A story of everyday negotiation.
Sara, Aura, and Thomas have been very close friends for a long time at their high school. They recently started a music band together. Sara plays electric guitar, Thomas sings and Aura plays drums. However, there has been a lot of conflict in the band. Thomas was insisting that they should play the songs that fit his music style and his voice. But some of the songs Thomas suggested were very difficult for Sara to play. Maria has been also frustrated because she thinks the drum parts of the songs are very boring and she doesn’t even like the songs.
Instead of having a lot of fun as they used to, or playing music together as they plan, they often found themselves having intense arguments over the issues like this.
Does this story sound familiar to you? Many of us find ourselves in similar situations on a daily basis. Take a look at some more examples below:
- A discussion with friends about which game to play together,
- A talk with parents about staying late at friend’s place,
- A meeting with teammates to assign tasks for the project,
- A message to our teacher about an assignment that is submitted later than the deadline,
- … and the list goes on.
Although these situations are countless in our lives, we rarely define them as negotiations.
“The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don’t know you’re in.”
Chris Voss, CEO of the Black Swan Group
That’s why, in this blog post you will first learn what is negotiation and why it is an essential skill in life.
What is negotiation?
Negotiation is a process of trying to make an agreement. Many outcomes in your life depends on negotiations. Your time, your money, your thoughts and your emotions are influenced by the unnoticed negotiations you do everyday.
- If you are seeking to develop collaboration, you are in a negotiation.
- If you want to reach an agreement, you are in a negotiation.
- If you are trying to influence someone, you are in a negotiation.
People who understands the nature of these interactions build stronger relationships, be more successful, and live a happier life. Being a good negotiator isn’t about winning every argument and get as much as you can. It is about the ability to see greater potential value in a conflict and to come up with a solution that generates value for all.
Why negotiation is an essential skill?
As you already notice, -as a young person- you are already a negotiator, almost every day.
Improving your negotiation skills during high school years will improve your life significantly. The context of the negotiations you will encounter in different ages will change. But the nature of the negotiations will be the same. Learning about these will help you throughout your life.
- Good negotiators understand different interests of other people. They are known for building bridges between differences. As a result, they are respected by their peers.
- Good negotiators uplift positive and friendly feelings for everyone around them. They are trusted people of the community.
- Good negotiators don’t avoid conflicts. They make sure the conflicts are resolved by mutual satisfaction. That creates more sustainable relationships without recurring conflicts or tension over the same issue.
- Furthermore, good negotiators are good at improvisation. They have the ability to manage difficult situations in a peaceful and productive manner on the spot.
7 skills that help you to be a good negotiator
Critical thinking: Good negotiators have the ability to analyse the facts to form an understanding of the situation without any bias. Being able to ask the right questions, and come up with an objective evaluation is vital for every good negotiator.
Emotional intelligence: Emotions are a very big part of any negotiation. Emotional intelligence of a negotiator consists of multiple elements. A good negotiators understand and controls their own emotions, they also read others’ emotions and know how to influence them.
Analytical thinking: Good negotiators are analytical thinkers. They know how to extract key information, identify the problems, deconstruct those problems and work on testable solutions.
Open-mindedness: Good negotiators don’t eliminate any options before thinking it through. Great solutions emerges when you are willing to consider ideas and opinions that are new or different to your own.
Creativity: Good negotiators are the ones who can think outside the box and come up with creative solutions that serves for everyone’s interest. Creativity is one of the most needed skills for a good negotiator.
Listening: Although it sounds straightforward, there are not that many great listeners in life. The ability to hear and understand what other person truly tell is the key to open up win-win negotiations.
Empathy: Understanding the hidden concerns, ambitions and interest of all the parties in a negotiation requires a high level of empathy. The ability to imagine what it must be like to be in someone’s situation is a must-have for a great negotiator.
